Kaeng Som (Thai Sour Curry - แกงส้ม)

This is the ultimate grande dame of Thai curries.

On the one hand, it's so simple to make that it's made almost weekly in Thai households. On the other hand, simply because of that everyone, their mother, their grandmother, their dead great-grandmother and her long-dead ancestors have an opinion about it!

(Read the post about food and identity to understand this phenomenon.)

That having been said, the dish is easy to make casually but extarordinarily hard to make expertly.

It's hard for the same reason that chefs routinely test novices with making an omelette, or that you end up skating naked making certain Italian dishes.

You're using a minimal set of ingredients, and there's no place to hide. Either you nail it or you don't, and if you don't, there's no way to fix it.

It's the ultimate test of technique. It's doubly hard for those of us who didn't grow up with a Thai grandmother beating us up while we were learning. We're going to have to take our beatings the ol'-fashioned way via experience.

What is it?

It's a simple water-based "sour" curry that's really quite "primitive" (to use David Thompson's description) in which vegetables and fish are simmered. It's served with rice (of course!)

There are only five ingredients that matter - chillies (which are emphatically not Thai but New World), garlic, shallots, shrimp paste, and tamarind.

There are also ingredients that will "balance" it - e.g. palm sugar, etc.

All the magic is in the paste which takes a bit of effort with a mortar and pestle. Thai curries simply don't work with food processors. You need to pound the ingredients.  (The neighbors rang the bell to check that everything was OK since the sound of pounding wafted out the kitchen window. It sure was, kids, it sure was!)

For the record, it's harder to pound soft ingredients into the right consistency than hard ingredients. This one is filled with soft ingredients — garlic and shallots.

If you persist, and the CC is sure that the readers on this blog are the kind that would do so, you'll be rewarded with sheer magnificence. Everything that is so wonderful about Thai food distilled down into one elegant minimalist package.

Ingredients

Paste

2 tbsp dried shrimp

4-6 long red chilies
3 red shallots
3 cloves garlic
1 tsp shrimp paste

2 cups water
tamarind water (thin)

vegetables
fish

fish sauce (nahm pla) to taste
palm sugar (optional)

Note 1: The kinds of vegetables you can add varies. Long beans are classic as are bamboo shoots, or raw papaya but the CC has seen modern stuff like cauliflower, cabbage, etc.

Note 2: The village roots of this dish should be "obvious".

Note 3: There is a relatively modern variation that plonks in a square-piece of cha-om omelette. Cha-om is going to be impossible to find outside of California. It has a strongly sulfurous smell exactly like that of kala namak in Indian food. The texture is not dissimilar to samphire. If you're feeling particularly flush with money, the combination would do the trick. Otherwise substitute a bitter green and kala namak for a rough approximation.

Note 4: You still need to make the square "omelettes". Cook them thick with egg in a pan like a frittata. Flip, cook the other side. Cool and cut into squares. (They should be quite dry since you're going to plop them into a curry.)

Note 5: This is not a "fancy" dish. All the crazy caveats aside, this is closer to the fast and the furious. You should be able to make it in at most 30 minutes if you get all your ingredients in a row.

Note 6: There is considerable warfare even among the Thai population about how "thin" the curry should be. The CC is going to stay out of this particular "Vietnam".

Note 7: Side dish. The ultimate test of serving Asian food. Keep it simple. The dish is spicy hence sliced cucumbers.

Note 8: You need a fish broth ideally. David Thompson suggests pounding some dried shrimp as the first step of the recipe. Works like a charm. Instant "fish broth" as the deeply dead great-great-great-grandmother would've understood and appreciated.

Note 9: The "correct" sequence of pounding is the driest hardest first to softest wettest last. This just makes it easy to do the pounding. In this case, it would be dried shrimp, soaked chilies, garlic, shallots. and finally shrimp paste.

Recipe

First make the tamarind water. Soak the lump of tamarind in 1/2 cup of boiling water for 20 minutes. Strain it squeezing the tamarind. You can do this directly into the boiling water later.

Soak the separately chilies in boiling water for the same 20 minutes. Pull out the chilies. Reserve the water to add to the broth.

Roast the dried shrimp briefly on a skillet. Put aside. On the same skillet, roast the shrimp paste wrapped in aluminum foil. Flip and keep roasting until it gives off its characteristic smell. Be careful not to burn it.

(These first three steps can clearly be done in parallel.)

Start making the paste. Pound the dried shrimp followed by the chilies, the garlic, and the shallots. Add the roasted shrimp paste and make a smooth paste.

Combine the stock, tamarind water and paste and bring to a boil. Add fish sauce to taste. Add some palm sugar to balance the flavors. Let it simmer for 4-5 minutes.

It should taste hot, sour and salty.

Add the vegetables and let them cook through. Add the fish and let it poach for 2-3 minutes.

Serve at once with rice.

Kookoo Sabzi

This is not a difficult dish but it requires effort. The CC assumes that everyone understands the difference between the words "difficult" and "effort".

Ideally, this dish needs a buncha Jamie's in the house all shredding the greens to precise effect. In their collective absence, you'll just have to shred them yourselves (or get a personal Jamie to do it — you do have one, don't you?)

The goal is an almost insane amount of fragrant greens all held together by just the barest amount of egg. This is an "inversion" of the frittata which features eggs as the main ingredient. Here the eggs are just there to hold everything together and they are cooked to a dark brown. The greens, barberries and nuts are the stars not the eggs. We are clear on this concept, aren't we?

It's best served with a sweetish side salad — Green on Green — there's a hit album in here!


Ingredients

All the cup measurements are after the chopping. This means that, yes, there's almost an insane amount of greens but we were clear on that, right?

2 cups Italian parsley (finely chopped)
2 cups dill (finely chopped)
2 cups chives (finely chopped)
1 cup cilantro (finely chopped)
1 cup mint (finely chopped)

4 tbsp. dried fenugreek

1/2 cup.barberries (zereshk)
1/2 cup. walnuts (chopped)

2 tbsp. flour
2 eggs — keep an extra egg or two around.

saffron
milk

salt
black pepper

Recipe

Note: Most recipes online call for turmeric not saffron because the latter is very expensive. However, there is no substitute. Use the real thing. This is for the betterment of your soul.

(The recipe was traditionally served at Nowroz — the New Years' Day because of the obvious metaphor between greens and prosperity.)

Preheat the broiler.

Heat the milk gently. A microwave works great as long as you don't let the milk spill over. Dissolve the saffron in the milk.

Beat the eggs with the flour, saffron, milk, salt and pepper. Add all the greens.

The CC has found it practical to add an extra egg if the mixture looks too stiff. It's very hard to predict this given the variability in the moisture of the greens and the size of the eggs. The mixture should barely hold together.

In a skillet, heat up some oil at medium-high heat. Add the mixture to the pan and cover. Cook for about 12-16 minutes.

At this point you can either flip the omelette or just put it in the under the broiler like the CC does. The top will turn beautifully golden and green.

Let it sit for about 5 minutes. (Yes, this matters and if you don't know why then you really need to read this.)

Slice and serve.

Summer Frittata

Zucchini, Onion and Rosemary Frittata

The basics of a frittata are explained here.

The recipe is obvious so here's a picture instead:

Grated Cauliflower Frittata

Yeah, you heard that right, and it's gonna be a spicy Mediterranean affair.


Ingredients

12 eggs

1 cauliflower (grated with a grater)
1 large red onion (diced fine)
veggies (grated carrots, peas, slivered beans)

1 tbsp harissa

1/2 cup grated parmiagiano-reggiano

1/4 cup flat parsley (chopped)

sea salt
black pepper

olive oil

Recipe

Fry the onions. Then the harissa. After you stop sneezing, fry the veggies.

Finally the cauliflower but really quickly because the brassica family will stink otherwise.

Let it all cool.

Meanwhile, beat the eggs, salt, pepper, parm in a bowl. Add the above mixture after it is cool.

Y'all know how to make a frittata, right? If not, haul your ass down to the archives and do some homework.

Food for Idiots : A Top Ten list

What would a New Year be without a food rant?

The modern world has given us many wonders including flushable toilets^† and antibiotics but why has it produced such food travesties?

Unsurprisingly many are American, and a direct outgrowth of its Puritanical approach to anything sensual. Sensuality is pleasurable and hence must be deeply suspect or some such garbage.

The rest is an outgrowth of the loonie vegan movement and its deep disregard for history, common-sense, and nutrition.

Here's the list of Culinary Hindenburgs:

1. cheese in a can ("the CC fuckin' kids you not!")
   
2. decaffeinated coffee
   
3. non-alcoholic beer
   
4. "white" chocolate
   
5. tofurkey ("kill me, kill me now!")
   
6. fat-free frittata
   
7. low-carb bread
   
8. gluten-free bread ("how? bread = gluten, quite literally!")
   
9. "vegetarian" Thai food
   
10. "flavored" martinis ("gin, gin, gin!")

† Every time you flush, remember that you are enjoying a luxury that Marie Antoinette never had. Don't trust the CC? Go check out the Palace at Versailles!

Mushroom, Leek and Spinach Frittata

The frittata is one of those Italian concepts born in poverty.

Think of it as an "egg pie" with stuff added in a form convenient for both transport and storage. (Yes, Virginia! there was a world before refrigeration, and they loved picnics too!)

Before the CC goes on, let's review the "concept".

First, you "cook" a lot of stuff, let it cool, mix it in with a lot of eggs, let the eggs cook into a "pie", let it cool, and cut it up.

The pieces are high in both taste and protein, and once they cool, they will last a long time without refrigeration. Not surprisingly, they taste better the next day.

Before the CC gives the recipe, let it be noted that this is one where times and details must necessarily be approximate. You are dealing with cooking eggs, and times depends as much on how well you've fried your vegetables (aka. water content in the egg mixture) to the number of eggs, to the ratio of the diameter of your pan to your burner (aka. evaporation rate.)

In short, art is involved.

However, the recipe is simple provided you follow the CC's instructions.

In fact, you will be well served if you make sure that you never turn the gas burner above "medium low".

Ingredients

4-5 leeks
1 lb mixed mushrooms (crimini, shiitake, etc.)
5-6 dried porcini mushrooms
1 lb spinach
18 eggs
freshly grated parmigiano-reggiano
salt and pepper

Recipe

Reconstitute the dried porcini mushrooms in warm water.

First up, the mise en scène, clockwise from top left: crimini mushrooms, shiitake mushrooms, leeks, and reconstituted porcini mushrooms.

The raw spinach. Just exhibiting this here to get a sense of scale.

The spinach must be blanched in boiling water. It will change color to a dark green.

The same quantity on spinach (to show the reduction due to blanching.) Now you must take this, and squeeze, and squeeze, and squeeze, and squeeze. When you can't squeeze any more, you must squeeze further.

The spinach. This is smaller than a fist. Dice it as finely as you can.

Les oeufs
Grated parmesan added.
Add some black pepper (not shown), and whip the eggs until they are nice and fluffy.

Now, we're going to fry the leeks, and the veggies. First up, the leeks at a medium-low heat. All this frying will try your patience (you cannot hurry this.)

The leeks look done.

In go, the shiitakes.

Almost 5 minutes later.

In go the criminis.

Five minutes later.

In go the diced porcinis (save the water, filter it, and add it to the beaten eggs.)

Lastly, the spinach.

The fried mixture (almost 10 minutes later.) You must let this cool to room temperature before adding to the egg mixture (otherwise the heat will coagulate the egg proteins.) The CC just stuck it in the fridge to cool.

The whipped eggs along with the above mixture.

Heat the pan at a "medium low" heat, and toss in the mixture. Roughly five minutes in, take a spatula, and insert it around the edges and under to check that the egg surface has solidified. The surface will still be wet. Cover, and let it cook for 8-10 minutes checking periodically. (covering is important!)

Lift the cover. If the eggs looked steamed through, remove the cover. Traditionally, this was the time they put the skillet under the broiler to cook the top. However you can just let the ensemble keep cooking for 7-8 minutes on a very low heat. (It is important that it be uncovered to let whatever moisture there is escape.)

The frittata very close to the end.

The frittata

Frittering away time with a summer frittata

Well, the CC and his friends were ambling away in sunny, freezin'-cold San Francisco, and what did we see?

A farmers' market!

Well, we had no plans, and even though it was just before noon, we decided to see if we could salvage a late lunch.

Copious amounts of fresh vegetables were obtained; a quick trip to the next-door cheese store netted some buffalo mozarella, and a loaf of bread; and eggs were obtained from a nearby grocery store.

The CC should mention the existence of a sprightly, middle-aged, white-haired lady who held a rotating chakra over all the vegetables. The CC wondered whether it would rotate, vibrate or sing? Apparently, the asparagus did not speak to her inner chakra but the kiwi fruits did.

The asparagus definitely spoke to the CC who was happy to get some for the summer frittata.

We had:

a salad with a lemon-clementine dressing,

olive bread,

chopped heirloom tomatoes (with salt),

a tomato-basil-mozarella hors d'oeuvre, and

a summer vegetable frittata

During the preparation, a few of the heirloom tomatoes were inhaled by the worker bees. If you don't know what inhale means in this context, this is where someone stands near a tomato, and whoooosh! the tomato is gone. Only happens with good tomatoes.

Much fuss was made about how many eggs the CC used to make the frittata (twenty-two, in case you were wondering) but there was nothing left of the huge repast which we ate out in a lovely outdoor backyard garden.

(Recipes to follow.)