Rules for Restaurants

Over the years, the CC has evolved a set of rules for selecting restaurants. Naturally, they are tuned to the CC's preferences, and if you don't like that, you can just go write your own blog (make sure you send the CC a link.)

The CC will state his biases up front.

The CC prefers "performance" over "flash 'n sizzle". He doesn't need white tablecloths and fancy interiors. He will happily eat at a rickety formica table as long as the food kicks ass. The memorability of the meal depends only on the food and the company.

The CC simply doesn't care about "service". Rarely does the CC ever go to a meal pressed for time, and he prefers that the meal unfold leisurely (how Italian!) If a dish takes an extra 30 minutes to make it better, so be it. The CC doesn't pack his social calendar tightly.

The CC also loves "authentic" food whatever the hell that word means. If authenticity is sacrificed to please the gringos or even the vegetables, the CC generally tends to get very upset.

The CC happily chows down all kinds of food. Pig skin, pickled jellyfish, grasshoppers, langoustine brains, horse tartare? No problem, bring them on. There are many rooms in the CC's house but a sensual enjoyment of food is a prerequisite.

The CC has only lived in urban locales so the rules are, to state it mildly, not applicable outside urban or semi-urban locales.

The CC is a "value" hound. This is a dispositional thing. There is nothing he can do about it. However, even if you're rolling in the benjamins, the rules below still apply.

The CC evolved some of these rules independently but Tyler Cowen (economist, GWU) did a better job of "systematizing" them than the CC's ad hoc heuristics so he happily acknowledges his debt.

Take a deep breath now. Here come the rules:

[1] Don't eat in "high rent" areas.

The reason for this rule should be obvious. The only restaurants that survive are expensive ones, or chains that can use the franchise to subsidize the rent. You are unlikely to eat a great meal at the latter, and the former you can get anywhere.

The corollary for those living in semi-urban places is go search for places in strip malls. Seriously. It's all about the rents.

Even in cities, this holds true. You can certainly eat very well on the main strip of Chicago's Chinatown but if you just pop around the corner to the completely non-descript strip mall barely two blocks away on the north-west side, then tucked in the back are some truly amazing restaurants.

In the Bay Area, the best "home-style" Japanese restaurant (not sushi) is in far-out non-descript mall. Similar for the Cambodian place (much mentioned on this blog.)

You'd never guess if you didn't understand the reason behind the general principle.

[2] Go eat where the "natives" eat.

This is equally obvious. Go where the immigrant population lives. The restaurants there know where to source the ingredients best. Also, the populace is pickiest about their own food, and they will whittle the restaurants down until the mediocre ones shut down.

Pure survivorship bias (as they taught you in statistics class) but here it works in your favor.

[1 & 2] Corollary: Be prepared to travel.

Equally obvious after the first two points. Rents are cheapest further away from the "center". Immigrants tend not to be the richest of the populace. Please note that we're talking about fairly modest amounts of travel here (urban, we're talking urban, here.)

In New York, that means heading to Queens. Flushing for regional Chinese; Woodside for Thai and Filipino; Jackson Heights for Indian; Elmhurst for Indonesian; Astoria for Greek and Egyptian.

Also, in Manhattan, Harlem for Ethiopian, Senegalese and Haitian; Spanish Harlem for Mexican; Curry Hill (Murray Hill) for Indian, etc.

In Chicago, this means heading to Lincoln Square for Thai, Argyle (near the lake) for Vietnamese, Pilsen for Mexican, Devon for Indian, Edgewater for Ethiopian.

[3] Talk to the owner.

After you listen to the first two suggestions, have a chat with the owner. Ask them what's best. They will tell you. Don't ask them what to get. They will water it down thinking you're a n00bie.

This is a subtle point.

The difference between asking "what's best" and "what to eat" is vast. The latter suggests cluelessness; the former hints towards connoisseurship.

The first time the CC went with his Chinese friend to a great Sichuan restaurant in Flushing, he told his friend to tell the waiter that if the food was "dumbed down", the CC would send it back until they got it right. Unsurprisingly, they got it right. Not only that, the CC's presumptuousness got him major brownie points with the staff.

Everyone loves an appreciative audience. They will come out and chat with you, and tell you what to get. They will insist on packing you stuff to take home. They will also remember the "strange arrogant" Indian who insisted on the real deal.

Even better, if you are into cooking, ask them where they source the ingredients. They will tell you about the strangest grocery places that you would never ever have figured out on your own.

Be bold. Language holds no barriers for a love of food. The CC has chatted with Italians who barely speak English, and Vietnamese who can only manage a modicum of the language. None of this matters. They will be thrilled to chat.

[4] Be a repeat customer, and vary what you order.

This goes hand in hand with the above rule. Ask them what's good today, and be prepared to try something new.

Also, tip handsomely if you like the meal. These places survive on the barest of margins so consider this a form of "enlightened self-interest". You are ill-served if the best places shut down due to a lack of patronage.

[5] Scour the net.

In the good ol' days of blogging and forums, talk to others who are as enthusiastic about these things as you. They will tell you where to go, and you will find new stuff (most likely they will tell you the same things listed above but they will name specific names.)

Even if you are in a strange town, and forced to pick a restaurant with virtually no data at all, these rules will tip the balance in your favor. Seldom will you get a totally mediocre meal.

Happy noshing!